The Last Jar of Peanut Butter

November 1999, peanut butter became a staple in my home.  That was when Cecelia and I became a family.

Last week, I bought what will more than likely be our last jar of peanut butter. My baby's health is deteriorating. Fast. There I am in Aldi, contemplating my canine's existence. Fearing my future life without the unconditional love that has been by my side for 15+ years.

She's been healthy, for the most part, all of her life.  In part due to her iron stomach, because Lord knows that girl has eaten things she shouldn't have and consequently expelled things that should never have been ingested.  Over the last few months, I've seen all of that life catch up to her.

The Vet's office has been managing my emotional break downs well.  I am sure there is a flag in Cecelia's chart that states "Mama is a nut job.  Will cry at drop of hat."  I truly believe Vets could make a killing off of being able to prescribe anxiety meds for the owners of their patients.

My free time has become "spend as much time as I can with my ailing dog."  Quick trips to go potty are now events that require constant help to pick her up when her leg gives way.  Nights consist of multiple trips outside, listening to her claws wandering around the main level, trying to keep her from following me upstairs because there is inevitably going to be a fall in her future if she does try.

I feel like I am mourning her while she's still here.  Am I crying because I am selfish about being alone? Because I am not sure if she's in more pain that I realize?  I guess yes to all of it.  Who wants love to end?

Ouch. Just Ouch.

Week One.  Complete.  I made it folks.  I made it.

I didn't die.  I did cry. Mostly on that first night. I have been consistently sore since day one.  I still think it's not fair though.  Man, can you get fat in a day.  Why can't you get skinny in as much time!?  Just not fair.

I have gained 3 pounds of what I hope is muscle. God, I hope it's muscle...

P90Evil

I need to get into better shape. I am flabby and while I am paying for the Weight Watcher membership, I haven't been applying myself.  I had lost 15 pounds since rejoining and have gained it all back.

So. Here I am. I just did the 1st of the DVDs.  I cried for a good portion of it. I damned it.  I damned myself.  But, I did it.  I estimate that I did 3/4 of the entire thing.

My friend assures me that this one was the worst one because of all the pushups. She usually is right and I know she loves me. I have to trust her.

Tomorrow is cardio.  Should prove interesting since I am congested. It has to get better. Right?

Mostly Ghostly

I love my new neighborhood (how long am I allowed to call it "new"? I've been here a little over a year...is it like the how newlyweds are considered such until their 1st anniversary?").

This time of year is THE BEST in my neighborhood.  There has been a Halloween festival for the last 67 or so years.  It is a week long celebration that ends with a street fest the weekend closest to Halloween.

I already decorated my house (inside) with my Halloween stuff.  I have to be careful to not get candy too far in advance...there's too much risk!

This year, I am excited because I get to share the festival with my dear friend and her little girl.  it will be the 1st time they have been able to come and visit.

I know springtime is supposed to be the season for rebirth and such, but I dont know... Autumn seems to feel that way for me...

Bleeeh!

Ugh. When I bought my house a year ago, I had a few mice that were unaware of their eviction notice.  I hired Terminex.  Solved the problem, but their customer service was awful.  And by awful, I mean horrendous.  So, when it came time for renewal, I said “no thank you.”  I received a few pleading calls, but when your organization loses a client’s check and then decides to call the customer a liar only to find the check in the employee that you laid off’s car and all the customer gets is an “oops, my bad,” you are not the company for me. (Wow, that was a long sentence…)

Not even 2 days after the last call from the 2nd new District Manager, a mouse appeared in my house.  Now, I KNOW they didn’t plant the thing there, but timing was SO weird.

Two weeks later, nothing was happening…humane traps were still empty.  Then I saw the lil bastard again.  The next morning, I decided I had to get glue traps.  LESS THAN 10 MINUTES and wouldn’t you know it…

I was traumatized.  Dry heaving. Crying.  I WILLINGLY caught this creature and then had to dispose of it… 

I picked up the glue trap and… IT LOOKED AT ME.  The poor little thing looked at me with its beady little black eyes.  And squeaked.  By God, it SQUEAKED.  I threw the glue trap out into the yard and it landed face down. “Good,” I think to myself.  Yeah, but I didn’t  think about the fact that the thing was still shuffling.  So, I had to square up the shovel so that I couldn’t see the thing and through the tears and dry heaves, I dropped the shovel.

My Mom was visiting and I was pissed off at her, so I made her pick up and dispose of the body.

It both ruined my day & made me feel a little better knowing the thing was gone.  Dad’s support?  Yeah, jerk said “you know, if there’s one, there’s more…”

The 2nd one wasn’t as traumatic, but the dry heaves and gagging were still very much alive.

And this has to be THE creepiest thing of Mickey Mouse I have seen.

I’ve Missed You, Dear Blog

It’s been awhile…and I have actually missed writing down my random thoughts. There was a lot going on over the last year and I was exhausted ~ more mentally than physically ~ and wasn’t feeling very creative.

Lately, I have found myself thinking “oh, I should do a post about that” So, I may be back…we shall see!

(Almost) Right Back Were I Started From

I have that crappy Marylyn MaCoo from the 70's going through my head.  Except, that song was fun "Love is good, love can be strong..."  Yeah...fun isn't where I am at... I gained almost half of what I lost.  It is completely my fault.  I neglected the plan.  Don't get me wrong, there were definitely some circumstances (losing a job, finding a job, selling a house, buying a house, moving from the sold house to the bought house, getting acclimated in the new job, driving to & from new city to & from the new city...you get the picture...) that created challenges.  However, there were plenty of times - PLENTY - OF - TIMES where I conveniently forgot to care about myself in the right way.  My reasons soon became excuses and well, now I am paying.

I haven't decided if I like the Leader at the meetings I attend.  There are a couple of people there that I do really like.  I will give it a little time, but I may try the others. I know that Weight Watchers works, and not because their slogan says so, or because of Jennifer Hudson (anyone else hate that song she sings in the commercial... pick one - i think there are 2- both are annoying!). My 1st week back, I lost 1.6, but after a wonderful Trivia Night (full of snacks!) and a 6 hour roundtrip car ride, I ended up gaining a little bit this week. And, that's OK.  My weekend was fun and I was fully aware of my over eating.