in too deep...

I never really thought much about being married. I guess I just thought it would happen naturally. that I wouldn't have to put too much effort into it. I mean, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, right?

Here I am 36 and single. I am fine with that, really I am. Marriage doesn't equal happiness. However, there are times that it would be helpful to share some of the load with someone other than my friends. I love my friends and I know that they would do anything for me. How do I know that? I would do anything for them. Simple as that. I can't "work" under any other assumption. I digress...(I do that a lot...)

Things this year have been tough. It's my least favorite year in, well, years. Between stupid boy trouble that I let bother me WAY too much and parents that are driving me a little nutty, 2009 hasn't been all too much fun.

It's a little ironic that I am talking about sharing the burden and wishing I had someone (to call "my own") when I am struggling with whether or not love can withstand the test of time. Do I deserve true love when I am not sure it exists? Do I believe in the institution of marriage any longer?

To the last, more and more, I am thinking I don't. At least not in the traditional sense. I joke that the only real reason to get married is for the presents. I wonder how much of that I do believe though. I mean, so many people live together without getting married. Does that mean they love each other less? Are they less committed?

Deep down, I know I believe in it. Deep down. I know that if someone professed their love to me and got down on one knee, I would succumb.

My parents met in 1967. My Dad proposed to my Mom 3 times before she accepted. They married 40 years ago this past February. Chances are, I will never have that. At least not to the extent that they do. Or will I need to say "did"?

Dad just retired and is, well, having a tough time with it. In turn, Mom is acting out. It's a scary feeling when the anchor in which you have had your whole life, the basis for all you believe is crumbling and there is little you can do. I know I am not the only one that has used their relationship as the "guidepost" for their own lives. Many have let my parents know that it's because of their unity that they had the strength to persevere. I have always assumed that theirs is true love and it will last - in spite of Dad being annoying.

So again I ask, can love stand the test of time? In this case, I guess time will tell...