Holy Crap. You overwhelmed me...you overwhelmed me (she says defeatedly)...I should have been in my element here. Two of my favorite stores, Target & Ikea as the anchors...an Old Navy in the mall area, even a Panera. I could live inside your walls! That is in theory...
Ugh, whimper, sigh, moan...
I know it's not you, but it sure as Hell wasn't me either. Someone else came between us. "Someones" is actually more specific. Broadview, you are located in one of the largest cities in the world, why, oh WHY wouldn't the patrons that live in the vicinity know the rules (or even basic guidelines) of social etiquette?
In what society is it acceptable to have shopping carts splayed all the way across the aisle while the owner has a death drip on the handle while stretching partially down the side aisle? Or better yet, their spawn pushing the cart without a degree of motor function control much less visibility. Good rule of thumb, if YOU, as the parent, have trouble managing the cart on the concrete floor...your 3 year old whose hands can't even reach both handles isn't going to fare much better.
Is it equally as acceptable for me to ram into the carts (you thought I was going to say their offspring, didn't you, reader? What kind of person do you think I am!? - Blame the parents, not the kids...I'd ram them, not the mini versions of them).
Speaking of parents, this is directed at you, Father of 2, what makes you think that challenging your children to a race from one end of the checkout area to the other would end in anything other than tears and bloodshed? You deserved that. Your kid, not so much. Should have been your blood spilled on principle. They don't know better, although they should. They were old enough to know that Daddy is an idiot for suggesting such an activity indoors.
And to you, Miss I-Am-Going-To-Stop-Walking-Without-Looking-Behind-Me-And-Throw-It-Into-Reverse. I don't feel bad for stepping on you. I really don't.
Mr. My-Wife-Gave-Me-This-Long-Pointy-Item-To-Carry-And-When-I-Turn-I-Knock-Things-Off-Shelves-And-Almost-Took-Out-Someones-Eye, I forgive you. Even though you were a danger, I get it. And I am not even being sarcastic here. We've all done something similar to that...well, we've probably all done every thing I have mentioned here. But you were different Mr. MWGMTLPITCAWITIKTOSAATOSE, you were apologetic and seemed to care that you were a hazard. That wins you points in my book. You were my favorite person today, simply because you weren't stupid.
I had to get out of your Ikea, Broadview. I had to escape. Target, my solace, my friend. What did I do to upset you? You were in cahoots with Ikea. Such chaos. Old Navy, no better.
I want to go back to the Ikeas of the Midwest where the most interesting thing I remember experiencing are slutty women with low cut pants and their g-strings hanging out. You know, good healthy family entertainment.
No comments:
Post a Comment